This is what it feels like:

“It’s just so frustrating. People simply won’t do what they should. They can’t keep up any sort of reasonable standard. They are unreliable, sloppy, just don’t care, just can’t see…

“I go through life constantly struggling with this. I try to be patient, but it is so difficult. I’m like a tightly coiled spring. I feel my teeth clenched, the tension spreading down my neck through my shoulders and into my back.

“I realise, in my more lucid moments, that I’m being unreasonable. But I just can’t stop myself. Sometimes I lash out, completely lose it. It doesn’t help – after I’ve calmed down, nothing has changed, except that I feel embarrassed about losing control.

“I spend all my time angry, fighting to repress it. I’m more and more worried that I’m going to lose control and really regret it. I’m losing friends, making myself isolated and vulnerable at work, threatening my marriage and estranging myself from my children. I really worry that I could do something unforgivable or irrevocable. Maybe a big row with the boss that loses me job or, even worse, something with the family that injures them or makes them call the police.”

If any of this sounds familiar, the solution comes from understanding where the anger originates from, and developing ways of not being triggered.

The most important thing to remember is that the anger you feel is not really related to what’s happening now. Some current event is triggering it, but the source of the anger goes back in time. Something happens, and in a fraction of a second, before your conscious mind has any idea what’s happening, you’re angry. But you can break the pattern, by understanding what’s happening and developing strategies for not reacting in the old, stereotyped ways.